Ernesto A. Trujillo
University of Arizona
Out of Time, Out of Energy, Out of cognition in the end, Plug Me In
Oil Paint, oil pastel, color pencil air brush
36" x 42"
In the last semester, of my last year of my MFA program I was my mother's caregiver as she was dying from complications from cancer. It was a constant battle for four years and seventeen days that ended with her passing in my arms. Towards the end her life, my day would consist of sixteen to 18 hour days. I would travel from our home to the hospital, from the hospital to the school and studio, and finally to work. This cycle was repeated every day without fail.
One day I had about forty minutes to spare, time for myself. It was such a rare occasion that anytime that it happened I would generally pass out from exhaustion. I mustered enough energy to stand in front of my camera and let it snap shots of myself. I was tired from everything, and I so desperately needed more energy, I didn't want my mother to be alone without her son. As the camera was snapping away taking pictures I opened my tool bag and found an old plug for clothes dryer. I remember staring at this plug and thinking that it would be great if I could somehow insert some device into my body and plug myself into a surge of energy that would keep me going.
My mother passed at 5:30pm September 17th 2009, she lost her battle with cancer. She would not get a chance to see my thesis exhibit the following year, or me graduate in May of 2010. She would not see me marry my wonderful wife. In the end, she was free from all her pain and illness. What you see before you in this painting is remnants of a man that is frayed, worn, and confused form exhaustion. I could not let this story be untold. When I see myself in this art work, it reminds me of how desperate I was, mainly I felt numb, now there is just pain.